Haiku! (Gesundheit.)

Golden leaves flutter

Across an empty field, like

A storm of butterflies.

This is the picturesque view through Boyfriend's patio doors. I am staying out here in the boondocks this week in an effort to recover from my latest depressive episode that has once again flattened me and removed me from the workforce.

(If you can call my trifling 3-day week a "force," that is.)

I've heard all the comments several times before. "I'd like a job like yours." "I'd like a doctor like yours." "Where do I sign up?"

But I don't think anybody really wants to sign up for this crippling set of symptoms. Sure, we'd all love a month off for "free" sometimes.

But it's not free - that's the problem. I've already paid the toll, and it's going to take me a month to recover.

Now, I'm as lazy as the best of them. Given a chance to snooze in extra long on a weekend, I'll happily roll over and stretch in the sun! A day where I don't get dressed is as therapeutic for me as it is for anyone.

Provided I have a choice in the matter, of course.

What's different is that I went to roll out of bed and get showered and dressed, only to discover that a work crew had been there overnight and methodically removed access to the shower and my clothes. I could not get to them. Someone had taken a jack-hammer to all the floors in my world, and there was only rubble to crawl over, from the safety of the bed to the safety of the couch. Even the coffee maker had grown in proportion to everything else, and to turn it on required a herculean effort. It was in pieces, for one thing, a puzzle I did not feel qualified to fit together properly. And with lack of morning coffee came lack of morning anything, and it was suddenly afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything, nor had I showered and dressed. I was back where I began. Nothing started, nothing accomplished. Not even simple grooming.

That's the difference, see. I don't have a choice whether I'm in this club or not. I didn't sign up for anything, but here I am.

"Work expands to fill the time available." That's Parkinson's Law - C. Northcote Parkinson, to be exact. My dad had the book when I was a kid. I would read bits of it from time to time, I seem to remember it was funny.

See, it's one thing to be healthy and to take time off, goof off, for a day, or a month, if one can afford. To let a day's work become two or even three day's. But it's quite another matter if you're unable to do anything for a day, or a month, however long the disability lasts. Where it can take you a month to do that day's work because you can't wrap your head around it, because the world has become an obstacle course where every step is a struggle, every movement precarious.

So I was pleasantly surprised this morning to see a cloud of leaves being blown across the field outside, looking for all the world like the butterflies of summer even though it's freezing now. A small gift from Life, a sign of hope. Contained in the dead leaves of autumn are the beautiful wings of spring. It will be warm again.