Riding the Whirlwind...

Whew! Today is my first day "off" in weeks. I still have to mow the lawn, do laundry, and preserve pears, but that is little in comparison with the whirlwind of activity I've been through lately!

My Beautiful Daughter got engaged! Yay!

Not five minutes after being permitted to send out the announcement, she and I both began receiving questions.

Perfectly ordinary questions for someone from my generation, mind you. 

• Have they set a date?
• Are they having an engagement party?
• Will you be making the cake?
• Will it be a large wedding?

I can think of other questions that could be asked, too. Like, are they setting up a registry, are they picking a pattern, what do they need, where will they reside...

But alas, my Beautiful Daughter and her Handsome Intended are not of my generation, nor of my lifestyle. They are both actors - and before you sniff at this, please bear in mind that her "rock" is twice the size of mine, so he's doing something right! (besides marrying her, of course) - and they are living currently in what's called an "Air B&B" in Vancouver.

I had to have her explain to me what an "Air B&B" is. It's where people who are away from their homes for a period of time make it available for rent to strangers, on the internet.

Apparently there is some sort of background check when you sign up for this, but I personally find it a bit creepy. However, I am informed that I am backward and fearful. Young minds, fresh ideas, etc!

At any rate, they will be living in sub-letted spaces for the next two years. They sold, gave away, or stored all their possessions except for two suitcases which they took to Vancouver.

So, no, they haven't "picked a pattern."

Beautiful Daughter, on hearing the host of questions thrown her way five minutes after they announced their engagement, said "Can you give me a few days to admire my ring?"

And of course, since I've been a wedding cake decorator for half my life and am one of three people in the known universe who does Australian Lace wedding cakes, it's been expected by all that I will do my Daughter's cake.

Only one problem. Daughter and Intended are vegans.

No eggs. 

Egg whites figure prominently in Royal Icing, a key ingredient in Australian Lace decorating.

Oh.

It's not that I can't learn a new process, it's that the last 30 years of accumulated knowledge and skill have now been thrown out the window.

My anguish is something every parent comes to know at some point: just when you think you know something, your kids knock you down with a curve ball, and you have to start all over.

Then there's the vanity factor - and let's not pretend this isn't happening to me! Being one of three people in the world who can do Australian Lace cakes, I happen to know that my skills are fit for royalty.

Can I repeat that? R-O-Y-A-L-T-Y.

Would you ask a Michelin Chef to make you twinkies?

So yes, there is a bit of wounded pride going on here! Not that I can't get over myself, but yes, this happens to be one thing I can do really well and I've been dreaming of doing for her since the day she was born, and every cake I've ever made prior to this point has been just practise for this glorious event...

(Let's cool the violins, shall we?)

Well, I could buy a bunch of new products ($$$$$) and do a bunch of baking and decorating experiments ($$$$$) till I have a vague notion of what I'm doing.

I could do a "dummy" cake - which is merely a decorative piece to be set up and look pretty on the table. Perfectly respectable. Can be worked on years in advance. Lots of advantages to this!

I could do each tier in a different cake for folks who enjoy different stuff.

I could even let them start doing some research into the cost of wedding cakes themselves. (I do, I must admit, get a little chuckle out of this idea, since I know how much they cost and the kids are absolutely clueless... Every former bride out there knows what I mean! Last time I checked, it was around $4 per serving...)

But I think for now I may just get off this whirlwind. Practise a little zen-like "letting go." See what turns up.

I guess I'll just go cut the grass.

The Downside of Nice, Bright LED Bulbs!

There's a downside to these bright bulbs.

You can see E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

Whether you want to or not!

For instance, the new LEDs installed in the kitchen enabled me to see how dirty everything was, with the result that I spent an entire day scrubbing.

O, joy.

And just when I thought I was done with beauty treatments, lotions and potions, I saw THIS in the bathroom mirror, courtesy of four bright 60-watt LEDs:

This is the hair on my chinny-chin-chin. Or rather, my cheek. (And there's more on the other cheek too, but that cheek has age spots on it, and even I have limits to how much embarrassment I'm willing to undergo in the service of full disclosure.)

And now I have a new beauty treatment to undergo: Threading. Because I asked my Beautiful Daughter if I needed to DO something about this cheeky hair, and she said yes.

And the options are:

• Waxing
• Threading
• Nair
• Shaving.

Yuck. 

But I'm already a crabby old lady, I'm already fat and out of shape (though a simply divine baker!) and I already don't wear makeup or dye my hair or get my nails done.

As I've said before, at least I still have all my teeth.

The Bureaocrats Strike Again

It started out as a good idea. Make LED light bulbs that use a fraction of the electricity of standard bulbs, that last waaaayyyy longer than an incadescent bulb, and give people a rebate at the store.

I was never a proponent of the spiral fluorescent bulbs. I don't like fluorescent lights, period. But Hubby gave me one of these new bulbs to try out, and it was bright, not green, and doesn't get hot.

So off we went today to buy 20. 

And here's the catch.

Some bureaucrat at Hydro-Quebec decided to limit the quantities for the rebate to 5 bulbs. The bulbs cost $7.99 each, with a $7.00 rebate. You have to pay the tax on the full $7.99, but it's a heck of a rebate. But there's that little matter of a cap of 5 bulbs...

It's an instant rebate, for the consumer. But here's what happens:

You go to Reno Depot, and you grab your 20 bulbs and line up at the cash.

And wait.

See, every pack of 5 bulbs has to be processed as an individual sale. There is a form to fill out - you have to fill in your postal code, they type of bulb you're buying, and the date. The customer has to pay, then he/she gets a receipt, and finally, a receipt is printed out that must be physically stapled to the form, which is then sent to Hydro-Quebec.

So for example, we bought 20 bulbs today, so that was 4 transactions. And we were not alone. Everyone on the South Shore was buying bulbs today.

Basically, the lineups go around the block.

This bureaucrat was - as bureaucrats go - particularly "gifted." People are going to have to spend entire days waiting line to get the quantity of bulbs they need to light their homes. Reno Depot has had to hire extra staff to help keep the lines moving. To the point where I'm pretty sure they're losing money.

The best fictional example of this kind of brilliance was a short story called "Dodkin's Job," by Jack Vance. It's a hilarious story of one intelligent, though uncooperative, man's attempt to find out who gave a ridiculous order to construction crews that all tools must be locked up at the end of each day, and handed out the next morning, complete with paperwork. It resulted in about four hours each day for hundreds of workers to spend in lineups, unpaid, creating havoc and unnecessary hardship.

There's a joke in here somewhere about the Lightbulb guy not being too bright.