Obsessive? Me? Obsessive? Me? Obsessive? Really?

Well, four people in the last two year have told me I'm obsessive, and today, I finally believe them.

To be sure, I come by it honestly. I won't bore you with the sorry tale of my life, my splintered family, my submerged personality, etc etc etc . The point is, I've somehow learned a terrible behavioural pattern and have, until now, refused to believe it was true.

A good friend has pointed out time and again that I am not being stimulated enough - in my job, in my relationships, in my home business. My brain moves through certain pathways at warp factor six. (Other pathways, alas, do not conform to that rule! For example, things my boss needs me to do, or housework. Vacuuming can stump me for days!)

But relationships! Oh, my gawd! Now you're on my home turf! Let's talk TURKEY!

Here we go.
Boy meets girl. Boy has certain qualities girl admires. In fact, she's STARVED for these qualities. Girl goes APE over boy. Girl emails boy. Girls calls boy. Girl emails boy Girl calls boy. G...you get the picture. Girl drives boy crazy, and eventually, boy gets sick and tired of it, goes away, and girl never sees boy again.

The frustrating thing here is that girl and boy 1, boy 2, boy 3, and boy 4 had gotten along just fine. There was no need for any of this to happen.

Is girl just stupid? Not usually.

Inexperienced? That's a good question - girl is fifty. Hard to be "inexperienced" at fifty.

What the hell is girl, besides obsessed? And does girl obsess about anything besides boys?

Nope. Just relationships.

There's a hunger lurking there, something undone that ought to have been done, in the dark ages of girl's past. But we can't change the past.

So - when someone comes along who resembles that missing piece of the puzzle, how is girl to recognize and stop her behaviour, before it ruins the relationship?

Let's talk mood disorder. Girl leaves a call on boy's voicemail. All day, constantly, girl's brain says:"Has he called back yet? Has he called back yet? Has he called back yet? Has he called back yet? Has he called back yet? Ok, got do some web stuff. Has he called back yet? Has he called back yet? Okay, time to work on that flyer. Has he called back yet?"

Eventually, girl gives in and calls again, and the cycle repeats ad naseum.

Then, the brain throws in a few tricks.

"Hey - I don't feel sad and needy now! That's great news! Better tell boy..."
"Hey! I got a promotion! Better tell boy..."
"Hey! That's a really funny joke! Bet boy would love that!"
"Hey! Boy's birthday is coming up! I wonder if we could meet..."
"Hey! I'm going home in a few minutes! Better call boy before I go..."

This is not only a recipe for disaster, socially speaking, it's also a great recipe for madness! Hey, like the Eagles sing: "Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy." And that's exactly what's been going on in girl's brain. It's almost like she's not in the REAL world at all - just on this big ride.

And that, ladies and germs, is my question. Howdaya get OFF this roller-coaster?