Ok, Grandma - You Were Right.

Many, many years ago, I chanced to voice my displeasure at being required to share the same space with my family 4 times in one week for the feasts of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day.

I was a single mom at the time, living back here in GPK. Because I wasn't part of a couple, my Grandmother considered that I didn't have anything to do on these days, that I'd be sick with loneliness, and that I'd be eternally grateful if I were invited to each of these family events.

These events always had the same people present: Grandma and Grandpa, My Cousin and her Husband and their two kids, my Auntie and her Cousin, and Auntie's Nasssty Husband. And me. Sometimes Daughter was there, sometimes she was with her father's family.

Now, don't get me wrong - I sincerely loved, and love, all these people (with the exception of Nasssty). It's just that the "Holiday Season" was anything but a holiday. I was tired. I wanted to spend Christmas Day at home. All day. With my daughter. Alone. Or with friends dropping by.

I wasn't up to doing a whole lot of cooking, and I certainly wasn't up to facing a noisy evening with plates full of food, dishes to wash dry and put away. I'd rather have watched Daughter open her gifts, watched her play with them, and gone back to bed for the day.

I didn't know anybody who went to four celebrations with the same people in one week.

When I whined a bit about this, Grandma was shocked. Well, since Grandma came from another world, admittedly, it wasn't that hard to shock her. However, she expressed disappointment that I didn't want to be with family.

I replied that I DID in fact enjoy being with family, just not four times in the same week. And that I had my own family to be with.

"What family is that?" Grandma asked in astonishment.

"Daughter and I, Grandma. We are a family."

This was apparently heresy to Grandma. Grandma had never read books like "One is a Whole Number", didn't undertand that a family could be any group of two or more people. In her world, a family consisted of a man and wife, their children, their children's spouses, their cousins. Nothing short of eight or nine people was a family in her eyes.

But Gran didn't have the mindset or vocabulary to voice this. Instead, she turned on me angrily and said "One day we'll all be dead and you can be as lonely as you like."

This, despite Grandma's history of being the supporter of her little family at the tender age of fourteen. She was working, living in an apartment with her younger brother, and protecting her little family of two alone against the world.

In other aspects of her life, Gran was astonished when I pointed out to her that she had lived in alternate living arrangements few people had opportunity to try out. Like, after the Great Depression, she was first to get a job. She worked in Sherbrooke during the week, and came home to husband and baby on the weekends. For three years.

How many families do any of you know NOW where the man is the caregiver and the woman the primary breadwinner?

To Gran, this was a simple fact of life. She saw nothing unusual in it. Couldn't understand what all the women's lib fuss was about when they talked about it on tv.

"What's all this talk I hear about glass ceilings?" she once asked me. "I don't understand what they're talking about. They keep mentioning it along with discrimination. I thought it was a good thing be a person of discriminating tastes. Are these ceilings ugly or something?"

So, patiently I sorted out the tangles for Gran, explaining that women usually had low-paying jobs compared to men, that higher-paying jobs were given to men as routine, that women, no matter how qualified, were being passed over simply because people thought men needed more money in order to support a family, whereas people thought women were already being supported, and therefore didn't need as high a salary as a man.

"And you're telling me this is common?" Gran asked in astonishment. I nodded.

Gran shook her head. "That never happend to me," she said. I pointed out to her that nobody would have DARED. Gran was what was commonly called "a force to be reckoned with."

"Then why do these women allow this sort of thing to be done to them?" she queried.

Good question, Gran. Long, long answer. But that was my Grandma. She was ahead of her time in many of the twists and turns her life took, but never saw how unusual she was, how uncommon her experiences were compared to most people's. Never saw her own power. I, in fact, hold the title as the only member of our family to EVER win an argument with her.

Be that as it may, Grandma and Grandpa departed this particular world many years ago. I made my peace with both of them, and am glad my Daughter still has memories of them.

My Father lives in Louisiana with my Stepmom. My Aunt has gone to her reward, which is namely, free at last from Mr. Nasssty, who predeceased her.

My Cousin Lives in Ottawa with her husband, her children are doing well and hold a special place in my heart. Her Brother and his Wife live in... some state. I always get it wrong. Their daughters are both married, one has a baby.

And yes, Grandma, I miss them all.