Putting Things Off

As I write this, I'm busily engaged in putting off vaccuming. My friend K is coming over for a late brunch, and I have to clean. In theory, I'm dreading passing the vaccum because of my new kitty, Bijou. She has no experience yet of machinery, and I can just see each of her hairs standing on end for a split-second just before she dives into the cupboard for the rest of the day.

"F*****g MEOW!"

While I'm putting off vaccuming, I'm also putting off getting started on a new quilt.

I LOVE this new quilt. Hubby came over and did some careful adjustments to the quilting stand so it's absolutely perfect, and I was supposed to put the new quilt on the stand yesterday, but I put that off to watch some tv...

I have made some progress in my life, vis-a-vis this tendency to procrastinate. Like the alcoholic, I'm not sure if it's possible to be "cured". I recognized many many years ago, in a different marriage, that I put off housekeeping until my husband came home, because if he didn't come home and the housework was done, where would I be then?

Something like that.

When I first moved here, to the apartment, away from Hubby, away from my family's ancestral homestead, I was thrilled with how small my new place was.

I can clean it, you see, in about fifteen minutes flat. That includes vaccuming and scrubbing the shower. It's a small apartment.

I was thrilled to death that I could do all my laundry in four loads, five if I washed the blues/greens separately from the pinks/oranges.

What a change from the House, where I'd had to ask K to come and perform a laundry intervention! (Though, in retrospect, we probably should have called it a laundry exorcism...)

I'm putting off having a shower just now, as well, because vaccuming gets me all sweaty. So I'll do that after I vaccum.

I don't know what I would do if I just DID everything! Like "normal" people, you know - get up, shower and dress, make the bed, vaccum, start preparing food for the next meal, get to work on a project...

I mean, what would happen if I got EVERYTHING done? Where would I be? I'd still be here, in my apartment. Alone, with the cat. With nothing to do? Perhaps. Nothing to look forward to? Well, there's ALWAYS something, just it's usually more than a day or two away... No place to go? No one to see?

My friend K is a very organized lady. VERY organized. But she has called me, from time to time, and we've discussed loneliness.

Is it better to be lonely than living in chaos, getting sick and angry?

Is it better to be alone than have a buddy who'll scratch your back? Lots of people stay with their spouses even if they're not completely happy with the situation, rather than take the step I did. When you stay, you know where your next meal/vacation/back-scratch/smooch - hell, you even know where your next ARGUMENT is coming from!

When you leave, you have to do all that for yourself. No built-in entertainment, no foil or patsy for practical jokes sitting in the easy chair just begging to be poked. No straight man for your funny comments.

When you're alone, you are free to do anything you want.

Even vaccum.