An Offensive Personality

Well, one of my recent blogs has offended an old pal.

It is true. He has sworn to never read another word I write. Oh well, you know what they say about not being able to please all of the people...

It gives me a pang, though, to have caused this distress in one I hold so dear to me. But I will go on with my ramblings, and when I have subject matter that some would call "doubtful" I will continue to put warnings in front of the text.

Interestingly enough, this same old pal understands the difficulties I have with my Father.

My Father, you see, finds most of the world offensive. Yesterday when I spoke to him, he was muttering about having cancelled his cable subscription, or his satellite subscription, something like that.

Apparently, an advertisement showed a naked body, and that was too much for Daddy. He picked up the telephone and told them to either remove the offending ad or pull his plug.

(Luckily for him, he still had a telephone from which to issue this missive, because he's also engaged in a take-no-prisoners war with AT&T, and is in daily danger of having his telephone pulled...)

My "old pal" and my dad have attitudes that I simply can't relate to. Now, admittedly, my dad is an extreme case... But I have great difficulty understanding what people find so offensive about reality, and about art.

For example, I recently watched a movie that had this viewer's discretion notice:

"The following program contains nudity, sexuality, violence, bad language, and adult situations."

"Wow!" I thought to myself, "FIVE stars!"

I hadn't intended to watch that show, but I did, based solely on the viewer's discretion notice! (I enjoyed it thoroughly.)

However, I avoid movies like James Bond whenever possible, because I find the violence not merely gratuitous, but unbelievable. For the same reason, I do not enjoy martial arts movies, where they have actors on wires, flying through the air. Even when watching science-fiction movies, if I see the laws of physics being broken, I lose all interest.

Art has to imitate life - to the nth degree - but art IS NOT life.

I've found that most of the people who are offended by sculpture, painting, photos, or movies fall into the category of those who cannot make this distinction. My Stepmom, for example, wouldn't let her grandchildren watch episodes of "Bewitched", because according to her, it was about witches. Now, there is no point in trying to explain to her that "Bewitched" is about as far from satanic witchcraft as you can get, that the show was actually about family values winning out time after time. It had the word "witch" in it, and that was that. Same thing with Harry Potter. There is simply no getting her, or that kind of person, past the SETTING into the THEME.

The rest fall into the category of prudes - people who don't even undress in front of their spouse after ten or more years of marriage, for example. People who will not answer you when you call out "Hello? Are you in there?" when they are in the washroom, because they refuse to admit that they use the washroom. (I am not making this up - I've know THREE people in my lifetime who do this!)

It takes a lot to offend me these days. Oh, I still have some prejudices which rear their ugly heads from time to time, but I do my best to overcome them when I recognize them. Boyfriend and I, for example, are engaged in a debate concerning alternate states of mind and their ability to affect reality. As I pointed out to Boyfriend yesterday, usually when I engage in that type of discussion with someone, I am rather condescending: Like a patient teacher trying to explain to a child what the constraints of reality are. "There is no such thing as magic, the easter bunny, santa claus, spontaneous combustion, god," etc.

But in this discussion with Boyfriend, I am able to speak to him as an equal, not as a patient schoolma'rm. I am able to listen to his point of view and actually keep my mind open, actually pay attention and seek to find common ground with his position. It doesn't necessarily happen - but the fact that I don't automatically assume the position of "All-Knowing One" is a miracle in itself...

I used to be quite a fearful person, back in the day when I was a "believing" type. Life, however, had different plans for me, and has taken me through roads rarely travelled. Some of my family, and some of my friends, know some of the roads I've been down. Two or three people know the whole story, because most people would find a great deal about my life offensive.

I am not afraid of people finding out the truth about me. I do, however, fear that some would find out a partial truth. Grandpa used to say (and I think he said he was quoting Confucious) "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." And our prejudices are designed to snap us away from thoughts we find offensive, frightening, or challenging - very much like our physiological responses to touching something hot. We pull away, quickly, in self-preservation. And rightly so - if we burn to death, we learn nothing. However, some people - call them scientists, or explorers - go on to see what they can learn about the phenomenon, while most of us just run away.

Well, life presented me with challenges, and I got burnt, but I stuck it out. I am pleased to say I've been humbled along the way, and that most of my friends have stuck with me through this ride, even though they themselves have not chosen my particular routes.

Funnily enough, in some of the circles I now travel in, I'm considered so conservative as to be almost prudish!

No, it's true! Here's a new word for all the boys and girls out there: "VANILLA."

Vanilla is the world's most popular flavour of ice cream. It smells good to everybody.

It is thus used to describe people or behaviours that our society considers "normal." A vanilla person, for example, would never get a tattoo. Or shave their head, or part of their head. Or wear fishnet stockings and a bra - and nothing else - to work.

Well, a number of my friends DO have these things in their lives, and a lot more besides. And I will say no more, because this blog is my vanilla blog. I am not here to deliberately offend the people I love.

My point is, that from these non-vanilla persons' perspectives, I am "normal." Boring. You may think I'm wild and crazy, "out there", a true deviant: I assure you, I'm mild by comparison to others, whose worlds you haven't dreamt of!

I hope my dear Old Pal stays friendly with me, even though he doesn't understand my sense of humor, even though he seems to find my blogs offensive. It is never my intention to offend, I'm just spouting off: and it is true, that what comes out does reflect what's inside... But in this venue, I'm simply trying to be funny most of the time.

And the rest of it, I'm trying to wrestle with my own prejudice.