Structure

I am missing structure in my life.

At work, my job was eliminated…for a few weeks. About 2 weeks before I was due to end up in Limbo, they re-created my "job", or "position". Probably because I'm in the union and they couldn't find any way to actually get rid of me.

The Dean has since admitted publicly it was a mistake to close our service: nevertheless, the clock will not be turned back.

Onward we go, to what we don't know.
What do we do? Darned if I know - do you?

Only it's not so funny. See, I need a lot of structure in my life to feel good. And right now, there isn't any. Oh, occasionally I have a friend over for dinner. That provides me structure for one night. I have to think about what I'll be cooking. I have to purchase items, and usually I have to clean up. Then there's the eating dinner and enjoying the company.

Then the company goes home, and I can clean up.

But after that, I'm lost. What do I do next?

And now the same thing is happening at work.

I do not, most emphatically not, enjoy twiddling my thumbs. There's a horrendous mess here at work that needs to be categorized, separated, organized - and those three words do not describe much about me.

"Slow to organize" would be putting it mildly. Easily overwhelmed.

"Catastrophically disorganized" is more to the point.

So, my life is a bit like that of - I hope I can spell this correctly - Sisyphus. I keep rollin' that damned ball, and it keeps rollin' back down the hill, running me over in the process. Next day, I peel myself off the ground and start over.

But it sure doesn't feel like anything I do matters. At all.