Same Sean, Different Day

 Background:

I got married at 21 and received a great cookbook as a wedding gift, which I have used profusely for the past 42 years. It contains several recipies for homemade bread. It took me a few years to really get the hang of it, but I pride myself on having become something of, if not a master, at least a qualified bread maker. I’ve done it in a bread-making machine, by hand completely, and with the aid of a KitchenAid mixer. I’ve picked the KitchenAid as my favourite method. I know how to adjust recipes after looking carefully at the ingredients list, because I can predict the problems that would be encountered.

Today

The story begins with my friend M sending me a recipe for a miche baked in a Dutch oven. I’ve never baked bread inside a Dutch oven, so I decided this morning I’d give it a go. I read the recipe, made some small adjustments, and got started.

Now, as many of you know, my knees are not in the best shape, and I hadn’t yet put on my exoskeleton for the day. I needed more flour than I had upstairs, and Boyfriend had already come up for his lunch, so I asked Hubby - politely - if he would please fetch me more flour from the storage in the basement. Which he did.

(I mention this because it might be said that, having asked Hubby for a favour, I invited his interrogation. Male readers, please follow along and think if YOU would have made these comments to your wife. Female readers, follow along and see if a jury of your peers would convict you.)

Action on my part:

Using the mixer’s general purpose mixing blade to mix the salt with the flour and then adding the liquid with the yeast dissolved in it.

H’s question:

“Why aren’t you using the kneading attachment?”

My answer:

“I WILL be using the kneading attachment, right after I use the mixing attachment to mix everything till the dough pulls away from the side of the bowl.”

(Dough pulls away from the side of the bowl.)

Action on my part, walking around H who is standing in front of the mixer as I removed the mixing attachment and put on the kneading attachment.

H’s question:

“Why don’t you just use the kneading attachment? It could do both jobs.”

My answer:

“No it doesn’t. It doesn’t reach or touch all parts of the bowl.”

(Kneading begins. I set the oven timer for 5 minutes.)

(Dough begins to climb up the kneading attachment.)

H’s question:

“Are you sure it doesn’t reach the whole bowl? I think you should be able to use just the dough hook.”

My answer:

“Look at it, Sean. It relies on the body of the dough. It doesn’t touch the sides.”

His question:

“But why can’t you just use the dough hook? Won’t it mix everything?”

Boyfriend now enters the fray.

“Sean, do we tell you which kinds of router to use when you’re playing with your (unintelligible tech-talk)? Let her play with her toys in peace!”

Hubby’s question:

“But the bread machine uses a little tiny paddle to do all this! It doesn’t make sense that you have to use the mixer blade AND the dough hook!”

My question:

“Sean, have you ever made bread using the mixer?”

Hubby:

“No, but the bread machine...”

Me:

“I’M NOT USING THE F*****G BREAD MACHINE, AM I?! I’M USING THE BLOODY MIXER! YOU’VE NEVER USED THE MIXER TO MAKE BREAD! I F*****G KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! GET OUT!!!”

My bread is now rising in peace in a warm corner while I continue to sputter and swear to myself, and my friend M’s voice runs through my head “Just let it go, Deb, just let it go...”