Big To-Do

Well, it's Monday, which means I read what remains of the "women's" section of the Gazoo, and note with wry humor that several of the articles in the "senior's" section now interest me... I'm not quite there yet, because the article "This Week's Child" is about two little boys who need a loving home, and the technician in me wants to see how I could help them adjust to life while the mommy in me wants to hold them and rock them and sing them to sleep...

But here - what's this? An article on long marriages being an emotional wasteland! Hoo-boy, right up my alley! Ah, "for centuries the focus of marriage was to raise children - personal happiness was not in the contract." And of course, because we now live longer, personal happiness is something we now have the time to experience.

But one line really caught my eye. "Their lives have been a to-do list."

(Whoo. And here I was, very nearly making my mental to-do list!) I have several friends whose lives are so busy, that's exactly what they're doing - living a list, instead of a life. They do not have spouses, or they have obsessive-compulsive spouses, they do not have traditional jobs (can you say 22-hour-days three times quickly?) and all they can do is check off one item after another. The list is endless. It never diminishes: rather, it seems to get longer, as the faint light at the end of the tunnel recedes quicker than they can approach it. Once you've climbed over a pile of things to do which have been blocking your view, you see how far away that light has become!

I so fear for my friends, and for others like them, who are in this kind of - situation. (I won't say "rut".) Their lives are almost running without them. They have no time for introspection, for assessment, for enrichment, of any kind. They turn up in the appointed places at the appointed times and go through the motions, and the emotions, perform the necessary actions and reactions, and get to the next place or thing on their impossible to-do lists.

I, from my quiet perspective, can see it's killing them. Maybe not physically, but I can see their personalities fading away like the pink light of sunset. I can see their happiness vanish like shadows with the morning. It's difficult to connect with them, because calling a friend back becomes one more item on the to-do list. Trying to cram a meaningful conversation into a three-minute-while-driving-somewhere cell phone call is positively painful, not to mention dangerous.

I am in a very different place. Having lived my life in "nonchalance and insousiance", as Ogden Nash put it, I am now trying to learn how to be a bit more active. I never did get on the to-do list bandwagon when I slipped from teen to adult those many, many moons ago! In many ways, all I've ever done is smell the roses - never had to stop, because I never got going in the first place! I've lounged my way through life! I don't even own a "power suit."

Well, neither do I live in the lap of luxury...however, the bills do get paid, slowly. Maybe I'm just extremely ignorant of reality. Maybe I'm lucky to have a spouse that worries himself nuts for me. Maybe I'm stupid. Unrealistic. Daydreaming.

Lowered expectations. Lowered goals. Hmm.

In all the 12-step programs, they tell you over and over, to live "one day at a time." "Just for today."

On the Discovery channel, they're always showing us how sleep-deprivation will put us in an early grave, with a not-very-pleasant life leading up to it!

Lest you think I'm lazy, allow me to reassure you I've pulled all-nighters in my time, and worn out my joints with physical labors. No, I don't sit around on my arse - except with I'm blogging! - but I still fear for those who cannot enjoy their lives while they are living them. Who live in a constant state of frustration, panic, worry, and hurry...

Yeow. There's gotta be a balance. "Grounding." "Centering."

Breathe, for chrissake!