W A I T I N G F O R D O C T O R . . . . .

I had vertigo yesterday. To those whose vocabulary isn't yet completely formed, vertigo is dizziness. (Now, now, no comments about "dizzy broad." This is SERIOUS!!!

I was unable to work, because the world was spinning around me. And closing my eyes made it worse. And there were stabbing pains in my head. Time to head for the horse-pickle.

Where I waited. Ate. Quilted. Drank. Made friends. Gave out marital advice. Quilted. Ate again. Drank again. Had searing pains in the head. The world continued to spin. Asked the nurse - not how long the wait was, because they CAN'T TELL YOU THAT.... but how critical I was, on the list of who gets bumped down when someone with a more serious condition comes in. I was in the middle. So I waited. Ate. Drank. Finished the quilt. Gave out more marital advice.

The tedium was occasionally punctuated by two psych patients who roamed the first floor at will. "C", a woman who looked to be somewhere between 20 and 40, was having a party. I don't know who she was talking to or dancing with, but she mostly didn't bother anyone, except if you had to get past her - that sometimes took a minute or two...

But Pyjama Man was a bit more annoying. He talked very loudly and expected people to listen to him, and if they didn't, he got in their face and talked louder. Oh, except when he was trying to pick up a woman.

Towards the end of my wait time, they wheeled in the stretcher-bound alzheimer's patients. "Doktore! I need to see DOKTORE!" yelled one unfortunate woman. Though the nurses managed to convey to her that she had to be quieter, she still yelled out every time a uniform walked by.

By this time I'd been waiting for eight hours, and as I had an appointment to get to that I'd made seven months previously, I took my chances being dizzy and left.

In the meantime, I'd figured out a pilot script for a new tv show. Medical shows abound on tv, they've long been favourites. But this one wouldn't have the doctors and nurses as the main characters - it would be the patients in the waiting room.

Because, let's face it - no one is funnier that human beings at their worst!