Closing the Doors

There is a reason doors were invented. Actually, probably multiple reasons! Letting people in, keeping people out... Cupboard doors hide the cupboard contents. Perhaps, at one time, the doors kept out vermin! Some people's cupboard doors have to be kept shut tight because otherwise the contents will spill out onto the floor.... Some people's cupboards have contents so neat and pretty their cupboard doors are made of glass.

Closet doors close off the closet from the main room, passageway, entrance...

But they all have one thing in common: Most of the time, they are shut.

Except in my house.

In my house, one can tell where Hubby walked by all the doors he's left open in his wake. And the same goes for his DNA replicants.

I am the only person in this house who closes doors, shuts cupboards, re-wraps the bread bag, puts the seat back down, lowers the lid of the cutlery box, pushes drawers, replaces lids on jam jars and the butter dish, lifts the dishwasher door back into place, drops the garbage can lid, puts the cap back on the toothpaste tube, pushes the bathroom mirror shut, draws the shower curtain, and closes the dryer door after removing the laundry.

Oddly enough, Hubby will go through rooms of the house turning off the lights. He'll also hang everybody's coat up in the closet - but closing the door to said closet seems to be an alien concept. Like putting the seat down. Something "other people" do!

About four years ago, we re-financed the house. To help prepare the place, we did some painting. We removed the cupboard doors in the kitchen. Hubby removed the hinges, handles, and magnetic closures. Everything made it back, except the magnetic closures. Those remained off for three years before finally being put back on so it was actually POSSIBLE to shut the cupboard doors...

But the current LIKELIHOOD of anyone closing them? Nah. Only I do that.

I know I should be thankful my Hubby closes the bathroom door when he needs to sit, and that his fly is (usually) zipped. I know I should be glad my Stepkids are happy and healthy, and seem to have gotten the hang of hanging up the towel in the bathroom (most of the time). I know I should be thankful we have enough money to buy fresh bread, since every loaf we open goes stale before it can be finished.

I have pleaded for YEARS for self-closing hinges on the doors. I get a shrug in return, and a blank stare. "Why in the world would she want THAT?" is the question written all over Hubby's face every time I mention it. He doesn't see the open doors flapping in his wake. Stepdaughter doesn't notice the linen closet door left open when she grabs a towel from it, spilling half the towels on the floor, with the result that the closet door now can't close.

The kitchen drawers are full of crumbs, because they're open when the Replicants or the Hubby make their toast. The basement is freezing, because the dryer door has been left open in sub-zero weather, with it's six-inch direct connection to the outside world - the hose.

I know it's a bad thing to wish ill on another person, but part of me cannot help but secretly long to see Hubby smack his pate on the corner of a kitchen cupboard door! Oh, wouldn't it just be justice if one of the Replicants would lose their balance while donning their boots and fall into the closet because the door wasn't closed! Or what if, one day, one of THEM would squeal in horror at a chunk of dried-up toothpaste on their brush? Or sit in the toilet bowl in the middle of the night? Or stub a toe on a drawer they've left open in their rooms? Or, having rinsed their mouth, come smack into the mirror, right on the corner! Hee hee hee! What if one of them was glancing behind at something and walked smack into the linen closet door? Or bruised their shin on the dishwasher? Or found something nasty in the butter or the jam because they'd left the lid off? And what if there was no more bread - and they had to eat the stale stuff! Oh yes, yes please, oh please oh please oh please....

Just once?